The "Good-on-Paper-Guy"

I recently had my attention drawn back to an old episode of "Sex and the City" where the girls were all discussing how a guy can be great on paper---meaning be handsome, have a great job, buy you flowers all the time, etc.---but still fail to satisfy you. Most of you have probably experienced this.

As soon as you told your friends about him/her their jaws dropped and they told you that they could not wait to meet this great catch of yours. You smiled weakly and half-heartedly showed off your "great catch" at the next hastily arranged gathering.

So why is good-on-paper

not neccessarily so good

when set into action?

I have a humble theory based upon my very recent experience with a good-on-paper-guy. He is a gorgeous looking man with everything from a dazzling smile to athleticism; he can even dance! To add to the list, he has a great job and is still working doing "fun" lucrative projects on the side. I found a guy who is not only good-looking and successful, but ambitious! And he thinks I am something else, too . . .

Now, what could possibly be wrong with a man who thinks you are the hottest chick since Cleopatra and the most desirable thing since ice-cream?

Unfortunately, a lot can be wrong with Mr. Good-on-Paper.

In my case, my good-on-paper-guy and I face a language barrier that fuddles communication. He speaks Spanish and my native tongue is English. We tried out Spang-lish (a blend of Spanish and English) for awhile, but it becomes extremely hard to communicate. Recently we had a near argument over him responding "sure" to a question I asked all because we were misunderstanding each other. To add to this, even though he is several years my senior, his weekend life is of a much more adolescent nature than I engage in at this point in my life. Essentially, our leisure-time activities did not match up. Not only that, but his great devotion to work ultimately leaves me waiting on him to make time for me even though he is more than willing to make the effort.

This is not to dissuade you from trying things out with someone who seems like they can offer you the things you deserve like offers stability, an endless supply of charm and consistent affection. I merely want for you to remember that there is no such thing as perfect and

every relationship is going to take work and compromise.

I have not given up on my good-on-paper-guy, but he got me thinking about what "good-on-paper" really means to me as an individual.

It is possible to be perfectly happy with a free-spirit who lacks traditional good looks and whose table manners are reminiscent of an untrained monkey.

Everything in a relationship is dependant on what each individual dater likes and is willing to compromise to make the relationship work. So you have to decide for yourself what "good-on-paper" really means . . .

Today's Chivalry

If any of you were ever a little boy, you may remember hearing at one time or another that

you have to be nice to girls.

I know my younger brother heard that phrase more than a few times just as he was swinging back a foam bat (or some other torture device) while aiming for my head. Yet I am not so sure that "being nice to girls" equates "chivalry."

Chivalry was originally associated with proper knightly conduct in medieval times. This included honorable action in battle and courtly love. Of course these days when one says "chivalry," we immediately think of men opening car doors for women and laying down their jackets over puddles.

Yet I rarely see anyone go out of their way to be courteous to anyone else (regardless of genders!) Which brings us to the dilemma of recognizing and appreciating genuine acts of kindness.

More than a few times I have heard that a man will not do something nice for you without expecting "something" in return.

And I think it is fair to say that this is true, but what is important to remember for both men and women, is that

the "something" that is desired varies from person to person and can even change through the passing of time.

There have been at least a handful of men who have waltzed through my life who I never gave the opportunity of a dance to (even when they used impeccably chivalrous manners.) My reasoning at the time was that those guys were too nice and mama didn't raise a fool! "Uh-uh!" I said to myself. "I know what this is about ..Because men only want one thing!"

Looking back on it now I can laugh at myself because I see how narrow-minded I was being. Not everyone is going to be the right kind of person for you and not everyone is going to understand romance the way YOU like it, but that does not mean that everyone you meet is trying to take advantage of you. They may in fact be having their hand at chivalry.

Remember when I told you that more than a few times I have heard that a man will not do something nice for you unless he is expecting "something" in return? Well, it may just be that all he expects in return is a chance for the two of you to get to know each other. He might be the contemporary White Knight.

So please be wise, fellow-daters. Be wary of those bearing foam bats,

but be sure to keep your eye out for the one who can make you smile...