Ahhh, Spring Love is in the Air...Right?

Spring is the most vibrant time of year for nature. New life is popping up from the ground and every where else as nature takes this time to renew itself.

We are affected by spring time, as well, daters. Each week my blogs offer guidance through the complexities of the dating world, but I feel spring time may be one of the biggest challenges singles face throughout the entire dating experience...

It is okay to admit that our hormones are racing and that we desire the companionship of another person at this time of year. But we have to be careful:

Do not mistake Lust for LOVE!

You may find yourself laughing in the arms of an arguably attractive acquaintance in these upcoming weeks and wonder to yourself just how the heck you got there. Clearly you have found some sort of attraction between the two of you. Now all you need to figure out is if it's lust or love.

You may not be the type to assume that a casual flirtatious encounter is the beginnings of a romantic relationship, but keep in mind that it could be.

Statistically speaking, relationships that begin in a whirlwind of passion and intimacy usually end with just as dramatically and suddenly as they started. This is the dating world's version of the Big Bang Theory, no pun intended.

Now of course movies and romantic novels leave room to believe that love at first sight and whirlwinds of instant passion can truly be the start of happily ever after. Unfortunately, daters, building an honest, long-lasing relationship with someone takes a significant amount of foundation building from the very beginning. It can be done.

But just remember if you seem to constantly be hugging someone who you couldn't stand in December, there is a great chance that you have fallen victim to Spring.

I can admit to having once believed in finding myself in a romantic situation with a new acquaintance where we instantly fell in love and wound up making out on a beach...kind of like in that picture below...

We all just need to be careful this Spring while still keeping our hearts open and ready for love.

Until Next Time, Live and Love!

From Trashy to Classy on Date Night

Last week's blog was all about sustaining a meaningful relationship whether near or far. This one is for the couples who are near.

There is an ancient dating dress-code that parents always tell their daughters:

* cover everything curvy

* but wear something nice

* but don't look too nice (you don't wanna look like a hussy, do you?!)

Alas, social dress-codes are ever-changing, as they are wont to do. Butwithin the dating world, it is of utmost importance to have some concept of the code.

Presentability is the key word.

Clearly, when you are either first getting to know someone or are in a preliminary relationship that involves a lot of public excursions you want to look attractive to your date. Women have the finest line to tread as far as this is concerned; they have to decide:
Where does attractive end and trashy begin?
The picture at the right shows a pretty-faced young woman in a cute pink outfit with maybe just...way too much leg showing, not to mention, super high look-at-me shoes on.

Now, I am a proud supporter of the "If You Got It, Flaunt It" movement, but, LADIES, there is a time and a place for every fly outfit. And your fifth date out with Mr. Wonderful may not be the place to show quite so much skin.

As Mama would say, You Don't Wanna Give the Boy the Wrong Idea...!

Certainly if you are pursuing a long-lasting relationship with someone, you want him/her to view you in the best possible light right up until he/she is emotionally invested in you enough that your strange habits won't freak them out. That being said, show outfit discretion until that given time.

Disney Channel girls always seem to find a way to look sexy without revealing anything (well, at least until they hit 16 and turn into Britney Spears, anyway....but I digress.) Take young Hilary Duff as your date night example. She has her hair off her face so you can see how nice her features are and she managed to show her shape with a long slinky shirt underneath a much more modest, but fashionable blazer.

My point is that you can look sexy and attractive without bringing out the "girls." But if you really insist on showing some boobage, balance out the look by covering up your arms and legs. You'll look sexy yet not too overtly sexual.

And for the guys who haven't quite found the fashion middle-ground between baseball game attire and wedding attire, keep it simple. For you guys hair is of the greatest importance. ALL of your hair counts when looking presentable: on your head, on your arms, and on your face. Make sure its groomed nicely and the clothes on your back will automatically look better. That being said, you won't have to dress up very much days to impress the ladies.

These days, casual chic for men is very popular. So don't feel funny about mixing a t-shirt with a blazer or a suit with sneakers. But please do ensure the said t-shirt or sneakers have no holes/stains!

Take a fashion note from the model at the right. Mixing dress clothes with sneakers or more casual clothes with shoes creates a delightful fashion contrast for men. Try it out Friday night and see what she says; you may be pleasantly surprised what a good trip to the barber and some style mix-and-matching can do.

Work what your mama gave ya', just remember, if you want your audience to stick around for awhile, you need to make yourself look PRESENTABLE to general audiences.

Until next time...Live and Love!

Long Distance Realtionships That Work

Internet dating has not only become a very profitable business as of late, but it has also emerged as a very reasonable means of sparking a meaningful relationship for many people.

The more lucrative of these online dating businesses ensure client safety and confidentiallity up to the point when you feel comfortable furthering your online relationship and introducing it to the real world.

One of the biggest problems these online daters encounter is meeting someone wonderful who lives a gazillion miles away! And even if you have never been involved in an online long-distance relationship, you may recall that little cutie from summer camp when you were 10 whose family may as well have lived on the moon.

At a first glance, these relationships seem hopelessly daunting. The question on everyone's minds is "How can passion be sustained when the two people are so far away from each other?"

Most of my blogs discuss how to interact with someone that you met face to face and/or have the ability to see frequently. Long distance relationships are a completely different breed of dating with its own set of dillemas.

One positive side to such a long distance relationship is that you can rest assured that the person you are pursuing the relationship with is not solely concerned with his/her "physical needs."

Your personality is supporting the relationship and that is a great feeling!

In "traditional" relationships, the looming concern for communication is nulled by the preoccupation of arranging opportunities to see each other. During such encounters, communication is inevitably achieved in one form or another. But when the two of you are only sharing intimacies over the phone or in a private chat, the specific need for communication is much more obvious.

This puts a lot responsibility on each individual to at the very least send a cute email from work daily just to say "hi" and let the other person know that he/she is in your thoughts. What I have also found to be useful is sending a daily photo via email so that the other person feels connected to your daily routine.

The most important thing to remember is that in long distance relationships (just like any other), if you go into it with a negative attitude, those are the type of results you will get. Think positively about it and you will find ways to make it work for YOU.

I will be here with more long-distance help....Until then, Live and Love!

T.M.I., Baby...!

It may be tempting...

He/she is encouraging you to talk about your past relationships

and you want to be very open and honest...

But, daters, please beware. There is such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION!

Last week we explored how to be accepting of someone who may not fit "traditional" criteria for a good mate. And as the two of you are getting to know each other and tap into what makes you the people that you are, the conversations about the past are going to start recurring more often.

I strongly encourage these conversations as a means of bonding with each other and learning about past heartaches, etc. However, try to choose your stories and your phrasing carefully!

You will of course face the immediate concerns of having boring conversations on your dates and/or failing to get a laugh after a series of your famous "priest and a rabbi" jokes.

But the hope is that the ice will eventually break and the two of you will be openly enjoying each other's company and the personal questions will start flowing in.

Here's some do's and don'ts for you:

*Do be honest about your relationship expectations

*Don't discuss stories that will evoke

extreme emotions from you (ie: tears or anger),

this does not make for a very comfortable situation

for either person

*Do talk about your very first relationship,

it makes you less intimidating to hear about

your awkwardness as a young dater

*Don't talk about the number of notches on your belt

(ie: the number of relationships/sexual partners you've had),

this is intimidating even in small numbers...

especially exclude stories about your

last ex!

This is just a preliminary sketch of conversation; feel free to use your own judgement as to what is appropriate based on both of your personalities. But as a warning, jealousy is a dangerous thing and you do not want to evoke such an appalled reaction that you never hear from him/her again..

Dating is meant to be fun so please do not read this and over-analyze everything you say during your next dating excursion. Yet, you do need to be aware that what you say is being catalogued and judged by your date to discern if you are worth seeing again.

More importantly, these conversations about the past allows your date to see a more vulnerable side of you that can deepen your relationship.

It's merely up to you to use good judgement!

The "Good-on-Paper-Guy"

I recently had my attention drawn back to an old episode of "Sex and the City" where the girls were all discussing how a guy can be great on paper---meaning be handsome, have a great job, buy you flowers all the time, etc.---but still fail to satisfy you. Most of you have probably experienced this.

As soon as you told your friends about him/her their jaws dropped and they told you that they could not wait to meet this great catch of yours. You smiled weakly and half-heartedly showed off your "great catch" at the next hastily arranged gathering.

So why is good-on-paper

not neccessarily so good

when set into action?

I have a humble theory based upon my very recent experience with a good-on-paper-guy. He is a gorgeous looking man with everything from a dazzling smile to athleticism; he can even dance! To add to the list, he has a great job and is still working doing "fun" lucrative projects on the side. I found a guy who is not only good-looking and successful, but ambitious! And he thinks I am something else, too . . .

Now, what could possibly be wrong with a man who thinks you are the hottest chick since Cleopatra and the most desirable thing since ice-cream?

Unfortunately, a lot can be wrong with Mr. Good-on-Paper.

In my case, my good-on-paper-guy and I face a language barrier that fuddles communication. He speaks Spanish and my native tongue is English. We tried out Spang-lish (a blend of Spanish and English) for awhile, but it becomes extremely hard to communicate. Recently we had a near argument over him responding "sure" to a question I asked all because we were misunderstanding each other. To add to this, even though he is several years my senior, his weekend life is of a much more adolescent nature than I engage in at this point in my life. Essentially, our leisure-time activities did not match up. Not only that, but his great devotion to work ultimately leaves me waiting on him to make time for me even though he is more than willing to make the effort.

This is not to dissuade you from trying things out with someone who seems like they can offer you the things you deserve like offers stability, an endless supply of charm and consistent affection. I merely want for you to remember that there is no such thing as perfect and

every relationship is going to take work and compromise.

I have not given up on my good-on-paper-guy, but he got me thinking about what "good-on-paper" really means to me as an individual.

It is possible to be perfectly happy with a free-spirit who lacks traditional good looks and whose table manners are reminiscent of an untrained monkey.

Everything in a relationship is dependant on what each individual dater likes and is willing to compromise to make the relationship work. So you have to decide for yourself what "good-on-paper" really means . . .

Today's Chivalry

If any of you were ever a little boy, you may remember hearing at one time or another that

you have to be nice to girls.

I know my younger brother heard that phrase more than a few times just as he was swinging back a foam bat (or some other torture device) while aiming for my head. Yet I am not so sure that "being nice to girls" equates "chivalry."

Chivalry was originally associated with proper knightly conduct in medieval times. This included honorable action in battle and courtly love. Of course these days when one says "chivalry," we immediately think of men opening car doors for women and laying down their jackets over puddles.

Yet I rarely see anyone go out of their way to be courteous to anyone else (regardless of genders!) Which brings us to the dilemma of recognizing and appreciating genuine acts of kindness.

More than a few times I have heard that a man will not do something nice for you without expecting "something" in return.

And I think it is fair to say that this is true, but what is important to remember for both men and women, is that

the "something" that is desired varies from person to person and can even change through the passing of time.

There have been at least a handful of men who have waltzed through my life who I never gave the opportunity of a dance to (even when they used impeccably chivalrous manners.) My reasoning at the time was that those guys were too nice and mama didn't raise a fool! "Uh-uh!" I said to myself. "I know what this is about ..Because men only want one thing!"

Looking back on it now I can laugh at myself because I see how narrow-minded I was being. Not everyone is going to be the right kind of person for you and not everyone is going to understand romance the way YOU like it, but that does not mean that everyone you meet is trying to take advantage of you. They may in fact be having their hand at chivalry.

Remember when I told you that more than a few times I have heard that a man will not do something nice for you unless he is expecting "something" in return? Well, it may just be that all he expects in return is a chance for the two of you to get to know each other. He might be the contemporary White Knight.

So please be wise, fellow-daters. Be wary of those bearing foam bats,

but be sure to keep your eye out for the one who can make you smile...

Love Hunt

One of the biggest problems concerning dating is actually FINDING A DATE.

I know it's scary to venture out into the dating world when all of your closest friends already seem to have settled down with someone or are permanently locked up in the friend box.

So How Do You Meet Someone You Might Actually Like To Date? No one seems to be able to figure this out.

Clearly all of the places that you normally hang out at are not the right place to check. You have either been through all of the eligible singles there with no luck or you have just become bored with that scene entirely.

BUT it is important to go out to places that you enjoy if you are hoping to meet a potential date. This can help to ensure that the two of you have mutual interests in something that you would not mind doing again.

Hence, do not go anywhere so against the grain for you that you could not imagine yourself enduring it ever again. For example, going on a rock climbing adventure when you are terrified of heights and then attempting to hit on your climbing instructor will not work out pleasantly. Please...don't do that to yourself.

Do not misunderstand; it is okay to try new things.

For instance, if you have a mild interest in comic books, try going to a comic book convention and meet other people who share your interest. The thing to remember is that places like that are not only attended by die-hard fans, there are people there who might just be mildly interested in it like you.

Or if you really enjoy music, go to a concert, watch a live amateur show or go to a music store.

The chances of you meeting someone that you find interesting is much higher if you actually put yourself out there in places that you find to be interesting.

Guys, go steam your favorite jeans. Ladies, go dig up your favorite push-up bra. Someone is waiting for you to arrive . . .